yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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