Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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