Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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