youre lurking in front of me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
