I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
