margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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