If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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