I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
