i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
