So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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