Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
