i just had sex bonerless
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
