Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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