you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
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Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
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She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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