I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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