Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
