you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
