when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
