I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
