hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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