i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
