I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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