It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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