Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
