1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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