You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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