awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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