So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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