I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
