WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
