He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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