how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
