I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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