Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You were trust falling into bushes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
