end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
