soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm too high and old for this...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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