I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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