I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
