You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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