TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
