found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
