you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
