oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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