Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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