Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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