Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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