just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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