i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
