apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
