i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you never un-have a 4some
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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