Jerry, you need to find god
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
