I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
