I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
