My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Less talking, more tequila
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
