My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
