It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
