I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
