I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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