Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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