can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I want is dick and wine.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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