Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
