plz talk dirty to me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
