woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dick very happy bro
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
