and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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