so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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