MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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