Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
