dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
