you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Two words: blizzard sex
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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