If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
this hospital has no fireball
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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