Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
